Margaret Lauder – A Life Well Lived
No sentimentality, no rambling eulogy, no fuss.
That was very much Margaret’s wishes. We can manage two out of three, but it would be remiss not to say a few words about her and to indulge ourselves in some shared memories.
So the following is a celebration of a life well lived and of a lady well loved.
Margaret Josephine was born on 17 January 1950 to Mabel and Joseph John (aka Harry) Lauder. The younger sister of Alastair, who at that stage was just about to start at Westminster School, and wasn’t particularly interested in the little pink bundle that came into his life! He always teased that he preferred the company of the family pet dog Maxwell. The family was well established in South West London. As newly-weds, Margaret’s parents lived in Stoneleigh, moving to Vineyard Hill during the War, before settling down in Dora Road, Wimbledon Park. Margaret lived there for much of her life and the family worshipped at Queens Road Baptist Church where they made many lifelong friends. A devoted daughter, she cared for her parents at home until it was prudent to sell the house enabling her father, by then a widower, to move into a ground floor flat and Margaret to live nearby in Worcester Park. But it was when Margaret moved to Firswood Avenue in Ewell that she immediately felt at home and was so comfortable and happy she remarked recently that she could barely remember living anywhere else.
Rather than focussing on the chronology of Margaret’s life, it seems fitting to think about her many qualities and to share a few thoughts about what she meant to us.
M is for when Margaret was a monster! Yes it’s true, and we have the Trapped in the Attic video to prove it! Always a jolly good sport, Margaret energetically took on the role of the monster who lived in the eaves cupboards in Alastair and Irene’s loft extension - much to the delight of her great nephews and niece Joe, Ben and Maddy. Maybe the roots of her dramatic prowess came from her days in the Merry Tunes amateur dramatic group in Wimbledon. Certainly if this performance is anything to go by, it’s no wonder she is so fondly remembered for engaging her pupils in junior school.
A is for Aunt – and indeed Great Aunt. Fondly known as GAM. She was a stalwart of our family gatherings, always supportive and often surprising. We’ve great memories of brisk walks, feeble indoor fireworks, traditional games like happy families.Traditional teas and Sunday roasts with veg-e-tables (note the particular pronunciation) followed by crumble made with fruit from her garden, or the rather ‘unfortunate’ jelly desserts which invariably failed to match up to the promise of the mould, so the teddy would probably have one arm missing or be rather melted. Christmas cake made during half term holidays, the Great British Bird Watch, llama walking at the National Trust, days out at Diggerland, and dinosaur-themed crazy golf.
She gave great thought to presents at Christmas and birthdays and was known for her insightful gifts, such as buying a laptop for each great niece and nephew on their tenth birthday in preparation for secondary school or when Joe was 17, she gifted all three of them her old car instead of trading it in – they all learnt to drive in it and it’s still very much appreciated (and in the car park outside today!).
She always made us feel special, and gave us the gift of her undivided attention and sage advice, forging individual relationships with each child as they grew older. We have lots to be thankful to her for. Perhaps one of the most surprising tales was when she was looking after Maddy for a long weekend, and introduced her to the concept of enjoying a glass of wine while having a bubble bath!
R is for Ros and their friendship that spanned her lifetime. They met when they were five years old and went all through School together until they were 18. Margaret joined many Jaeger family holidays in North Wales especially when Ros’ brothers grew too old to come and Alastair was working. Their shared holidays continued, including a holiday in Sorrento to mark their 50th birthdays. Camping in the Scilly Isles with Ros and her family brought great joy. We’ve heard many tales of sailing, swimming, strolling and being at one with nature – a great escape from her London life and pressures of work. Apparently each holiday Margaret would build a helter-skelter using a tennis ball to go down it. She always perfected it in the end. She would also insist on having a BBQ on the beach with red wine to accompany it!! She liked building fires!!
We know she played an important role in the lives of Ros and Steve’s children Tristan and Nathan and loved them dearly. The family recall Margaret trying to teach Nathan how to tell the time by drawing clock faces in the sand and Tristan taking them all out in a RIB (rigid inflatable boat) to see the puffins on the Scillies, and Margaret telling him to slow down!!
G is for generosity – Margaret was a committed volunteer with the National Trust. Visitors arriving at Clandon House and at Hatchlands might well have been welcomed by Margaret who spent many weekends volunteering in the entrance kiosks of those National Trust houses. She loved chatting to the visitors and was always interested in where they had come from and making friends with their dogs, as long as they were well-behaved. She was a wonderful ambassador for the National Trust and would make sure her friends all knew when special events were on, or when the bluebells were at their best at Hatchlands. There was a particularly lovely evening watching an open air production of Twelfth Night at Hatchlands. Margaret was pleased to discover her Goddaughter Emma shared this love for the National Trust and they too enjoyed days out together.
For more than 10 years Margaret was a volunteer with the local branch of the RNLI serving on the committee, rattling collection buckets in Epsom High Street and selling RNLI Christmas Cards at local events. This is why donations in Margaret’s memory are in support of the charity.
A is for Margaret's attitude. She was known for her no-nonsense approach and, if challenge was appropriate, then Margaret would certainly speak up and could be blunt at times. But always with good intention. This meant you always knew where you stood; and there was balance, as support and praise were also given out with similar frankness. An independent and principled thinker Margaret certainly couldn't bear anything she considered inefficient or a waste of time but she had a heart of gold and was quietly loyal and generous – caring for family friend ‘Aunty’ Gladys Tame, taking meals to neighbours when they were in trouble, or driving people to hospital appointments and visiting poorly friends. She certainly found it hard when the tables were turned and she needed to ask for help. Talking to her friends over the last few weeks we have heard many other stories of kindnesses remembered and treasured.
R is for Robins – well fed and a familiar sight in Margaret’s garden. Christmas cards remind us of a very important part of Margaret’s Christmas traditions. She would always arrange her cards carefully and it was a favourite game to try to work out what the theme was for each row. They might all have Father Christmas on them, or perhaps would all have something blue on them. Naturally there was always a string of cards with robins on. There was usually one string which defeated us - and it would turn out to be the string she couldn't think of a theme for, or, the cards with pictures she didn't like! Apparently this year, in memory of Margaret, Bronya sorted her family’s cards into themes.
Margaret loved Christmas and always had a real tree hung with decorations collected from her travels or reminders of friends and family. And there were always lots of candles on the fireplace and lots of robins (including the very large one that sang and danced).
For many of us a red-breasted feathery friend will continue to make us pause and remember her.
Just recently, when walking with our dog shortly after Margaret’s death, Rosie and David were reminiscing about Margaret’s love of her garden and the variety of birds that visited, particularly the robin. On returning to the car, while swapping walking boots for dry trainers, a robin flew in and sat for a good few moments on the top of the steering wheel, just watching us.
E stands for engaging, energetic and endearing – all qualities which meant Margaret was a must on the guest list. Always interested in other people, her easy manner and conversation kept gatherings cheery and fun. Friends from the clubs and societies she belonged to most recently have highlighted these qualities. She really enjoyed the camaraderie and challenge of learning new music in the Vocality choir, it was so touching to learn that they dedicated their Christmas concert to her memory. Nordic walking, keep fit, Bowls and Ramblers kept her active and appealed to her love of the outdoors.
Ever prepared (a motto recalled from her years as a girl guide and later as a ranger and leader), Margaret always checked the route ahead of leading any walk.
There was one walk in the Woldingham area which she didn't know at all. It started at a garden centre and she had a sketch map of the route. Having parked the car, she and her great friend Elspeth set off following the map, but it didn't seem quite right and they assumed it must just be a badly drawn map. After all, both were geographers so couldn't possibly be wrong! But after more than a mile or so, the pair had to admit that they might be wrong. So they retraced their steps and when they got back to the car park they realised what was wrong. It was the wrong garden centre! A short drive took them to the right starting place and suddenly everything fell into place, the map made perfect sense and they had a wonderful walk and saw wild deer leaping across their path. What a good thing she checked it out before setting out with 20 Ramblers!
We suspect her love of bowls was hereditary. Her maternal grandfather Ernest played bowls and at the end of the War, Margaret’s grandmother along with Mrs Linney, & Mrs Wolsey-Smith reached the finals of the Bowls England Ladies Triples. Unfortunately they didn’t win and, although it must have been frustrating, just like Margaret’s approach, the experience and gameplay was paramount. Those of you coming back to the Hook & Southborough Bowls Clubhouse will see Margaret’s name on the Members’ Honours boards.
Above all however, Margaret’s true passion was sport – particularly following the fortunes of Fulham Football Club. She was a proud season ticket holder from an early age going to matches with her father and brother as well as several friends. Many a plan has had to be altered to accommodate key fixtures. Indeed she always told the children in her class that they were allowed to support a more popular Premier team provided they also followed Fulham. And she often joked how well balanced Fulham fans were because they grew up as familiar with defeat as with victory! She greatly enjoyed our tour of Craven Cottage before its refurbishment and her celebratory meal in the Jonny Haynes restaurant for her 60th. If you ever went with her to Fulham football matches you would be amazed at how vociferous she was in her commentary on the players, not to mention standing up and shouting!!
In 2010, Margaret and her good friend Brian had great fun following Fulham abroad in the Europa cup. All was well until they were returning from a match in Baal, Denmark – never one to admit to being in the wrong – Margaret was insistent it was ‘all Brian’s doing’ that they strayed two miles off the route and were terribly late back at the hotel. Liking routine, Margaret was most perturbed asking “But when are we going to eat?” resulting in the kitchen reopening and soup being specially prepared for the pair on their eventual return! [Fulham won 3-2 in case you were wondering!].
Margaret enjoyed all sports – not just football – cricket, especially the T20; rugby (enthusiastically watching Joe & Ben play in all weathers) as well as the professional game; badminton (which she played when younger), tennis and, of course, the winter and summer Olympics. She really was in her element when the Games were in London getting tickets and watching handball, badminton, hockey and many other matches live.
T is for Teacher both literally in the classroom but also in manner. She certainly had a lot to give, was endlessly patient if she felt her effort was matched by that of the student, offered wise advice and a calm approach to life and learning. There are many of her ex-pupils still in the neighbourhood and it always delighted her when they recognised her and came up for a chat. She loved hearing all their news.
Margaret was always destined for greatness and gained experience as acting deputy head at several local schools. And then deputy head and eventually Head teacher at Ambleside. Her first Ofsted there started on the day of a snowstorm and she spent the initial part of the inspection laying out soggy gloves on the radiators, lining up wellington boots and coping with latecomers. It wasn't how she had planned the inspection would start but, ever the pragmatist, all was well.
When Margaret retired from Headship, there was still so much that she could offer education and she became a tutor for student teachers with Kingston University and visited her students at schools all over Surrey and Croydon sharing invaluable advice and encouragement as they went through their teaching practice.
And so, we remember a life well lived, and a lady well loved.
Her influence will be widespread and our memories fond. We shouldn’t dwell on the sadness of loss, but rather live our life a little bit better and perhaps more consciously, because of the part Margaret played in it.